It was soooo trying today while i was sitting next to one of my sweetest designer clients, Sarah. W/we were chatting when the owner's wife passed by and said hi. Then she commented on how cute her purse was and i had to check it out. i guess i stared at it a little too longingly (it was a brown and aqua paisley to DIE for - cute little straps) and Deb told me out loud to comment on it - "Tell her it's cute!" so i did. They laughed at me and i blushed so hard. i felt so humiliated my little nubbin was getting stiff, not that anyone could ever see anything like that. It is like they both read my mind and i had to excuse myself from the lobby. i went to the bathroom and cried because i am so confused as to what i really am anymore. Maybe someday i will be able to just be who i really am instead of hiding behind this stupid male front, not even masculine.

It seems so lonely not having a Mistress or Goddess to serve, but all things in their due time - like Mother always used to say.

Hugs and sweet kisses,
joie