sissy dreams

the journey of a fledgling gurl praying for her birth as a 24/7 sissy submissive

Sunday, October 22, 2006

Today i went shopping at Kohl's because they had some nice sales on bras and panties. i like Kohl's because the salesgirls there basically let me get what i want without attracting a lot of attention. i went in drab because i was worried i would run into people i know and i still am not out yet. i did get a very cute Candies demicup with pink lace trim. It feels so nice and feminine with my breast forms inserted.

There is a new friend in messenger named katie who is a sissy too. she seems very nice.

i am not sure what i need to do next but hopefully i will get a call in the next day or so about continuing my therapy so i can move on with my real life.

Thanks to all the wonderful new F/friends here who are so encouraging - i would be lost without Y/you.

Hugs and kisses,

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

It was soooo trying today while i was sitting next to one of my sweetest designer clients, Sarah. W/we were chatting when the owner's wife passed by and said hi. Then she commented on how cute her purse was and i had to check it out. i guess i stared at it a little too longingly (it was a brown and aqua paisley to DIE for - cute little straps) and Deb told me out loud to comment on it - "Tell her it's cute!" so i did. They laughed at me and i blushed so hard. i felt so humiliated my little nubbin was getting stiff, not that anyone could ever see anything like that. It is like they both read my mind and i had to excuse myself from the lobby. i went to the bathroom and cried because i am so confused as to what i really am anymore. Maybe someday i will be able to just be who i really am instead of hiding behind this stupid male front, not even masculine.

It seems so lonely not having a Mistress or Goddess to serve, but all things in their due time - like Mother always used to say.

Hugs and sweet kisses,

Monday, October 16, 2006

Today was a very special day. i heard my own voice speak outwardly for the first time about being a gurl. The therapist, Jason, was very understanding as i cried and opened my heart. we talked a lot about what paths i need to explore to find my true self whoever i might be. He thought it would be a substantial process but told me i am there voluntaritily and could leave at any time. i got back to work by lunchtime and everything was ok.

i got a very nice mail from katrin yesterday thanking me for my essay entry. i like her so very much because she seems very submissive, much like i want to always be.

Still have to handwash my panties before bedtime, so g'night A/all. Big kiss and hugs!


Saturday, October 14, 2006

growing one infant step at a time ...

In case things start getting ugly here, i thought i would paste my entry into katrin's what makes a good maid assignment on this blog. she seems so sweet. her Mistress is making her into a fine maid.

The Good Housemaid

It is only through conscientious effort and true feminine submission to the will of the Owner that a home can be immaculately kept in its proper order by a dutiful maid.

To begin, a sissy is by definition a poor creature, unacceptable to vanilla society because she was born male but her mind is tuned to femininity and all things womanly. Only her Mistress knows how to harness the energy that is the essence of a muddled sissy and guide her on the correct path of loving and devoted servitude as a complete sissy maid. It is truly the fortunate wretch that is found and born of her Mistress' sheer will to endure the processes of training and correction to be molded from sissy into a full-time dependable domestic servant.

Chastity is essential in order for the maid to experience that her role as a submissive is permanent. The maid shall always be expected to perform without hesitation any task to cleanse anything within the confines of Mistress' domestic domain, whether it is a credenza or a bathroom or a guest's genitalia. A properly humbled maid engages her tasks with vigor and the desire to delight her Owner. The caged reminder of her previously failed male existence only serves to drive that agenda more forcefully and constantly into her thoughts as she busies through her day.

Being publicly seen, known, and ridiculed as a sissy maid helps the creature accept that humiliation drives her soul to perform without any sense of moral or emotional or financial compensation. It helps maintain her state of sexual frustration and joy in knowing her Owner takes pride in this beautiful mindset being forced upon the maid.

A very thorough education in all the sissy arts, through whatever means a mindful Mistress deems necessary, helps the maid develop a sense of security and to understand that she has lost her individuality as a person. Becoming a tool to make Mistress' life better is the ultimate goal in the peace and acceptance of a 24/7/365 total power exchange. Imagine how pleased Mistress will feel knowing she has become a reliable extension of Her will!

It is my own hope to someday make up for all of the foolish waste of my life in the attempt to live as my biological sex. i know that with the right training that i can eliminate this pathetic self to which i cling and flower into my true submissive self.

humbly and honestly,


Friday, October 13, 2006

Here again to take the leap of faith - i am going to the clinic on Monday morning to be evaluated for my true gender because i need to know that abandoning my stupid attempt at staying male is based in a life of overexposure to being made male by those around me. The first step is to out to myself and accept that i am only a femme wannabe sissy and that i can never be a genuine gurl. Though i use my own ass as a near equivalent to a pussy with toys, i am just a pretender until i find my true femme center by allowing myself to accept sissyhood and its humiliations as a way of life. To pretend i am anything other than this is futile. Though it will hurt my family, friends and professional life to open the true essence of what i am, it is better to move toward my life's calling to seek and serve in my fullest sissy capacities. It is sooo scary to not have a safety net under my falling self, nothing matters more than feeling the depth of this humiliation so i can prepare for the One(s) who might own me.

i am ragged with frustration as my self-imposed chastity drives me to the light of being a complete sissy slave. i only hope that i do not die alone before i realize my destiny.

Thanks to katrin for her acknowledgement of my dream and for allowing me to be tested at her site for being a maid. To her Domme as well i give humble thanks.

be well A/all

Monday, October 09, 2006

Seeking my sissy self

This is the first step in a precarious journey. Despite my need to becomed a fulfilled sissygurl, i have a real life i must do something with until the time when i can abandon it and devote myself to my as-of-yet-unknown Mistress and Master. Perhaps i will be unworthy of realizing the reality, but gurls are allowed to dream, aren't they?

i hope i can shed light on the thing i am becoming and find a way to make everything work, especially to make myself a servile and useful creature for the pleasure and satisfaction of my Owner.

Thank Y/you for Y/your interest in these words. i hope i can help make clear what i think and need.

sissy joie (rhymes with vichysoisse)